THE COLORS OF JADE.

I love this feeling.. that were trying to work things out. Trying not to let eachother down and trying to understand eachother. That is what compromise is all about… I just have to remember we all have our bad days and moments.. that’s what makes us human.

JADE.

I think its time… I need to write and let it all out… when I gave u my heart , I trusted u to take care of it. When I chose you, I chose forever with you. I didn’t hope or thought maybe for right now. You impressed me with ur charm and witty personality. I thought I had myself a gentleman. The perfect guy in my eyes.. to only be decieved when u called me your girlfriend. When did it get to comfortable to stop trying? To stop impressing me? Calling me beautiful and your princess become heys and goodbyes. Your selfishness took over and changed the guy I fell in love with.. I became a weekend chore to only accompany you when you had nothing else to do. Our weekends became long days with no plans.. where I felt like I wanted to go home to just be happy by myself. Our getaway trips were about you reminscing about you and your best friend. When I told you that I was so in love with you.. I meant it with every ache in my heart. I love you for you.. you told me about your dark past.. I accepted you. When you told me your pain, I promised to make it mine and make you a better person to get past it. For you not to even say her name was hard.. because you still have a love for her I knew it will always be with you and I was okay with that. Even though you won’t admit it, I know you haven’t forgiven her because you still love her. People told me, because you were my first real love that I would find another. I didn’t want to find another.. because in my heart I thought I found my other half. When you would do hurtful things, I would be sad but I would make crazy excuses to forgive you and love you even more to make everything okay again. I always felt like you never loved me enough, when u told me you show love in a different way.. I never saw your way. I would always hope that you would come over on your own to suprise me or have special nights planned just because you wanted to be with me.. but it seems like it only had to be a convience for you to just come my way. At night I was okay when you were beside me, now I wake up in the middle of the night only because I miss you being there.. and wish you were there. I cried 3 days before I had the chance to stand up to you and let you go. But I did not want too, when you didn’t fight for me.. I knew. I knew that the flame of love you had for me had burned out and became ambers that I know soon will be just a pile of dried up ashes. I still cry myself to sleep sometimes at night.. not because we parted.. because I gave you all that could and in the end you didn’t even fight for me. I’m so stupid… how could I have thought this could’ve been forever. :’(

I wanna be with him again :’(